Where the seeds of bullying come from ...

publication date 16.10.2009

where the seeds of bullying come from

When bullying begins manifesting itself, we ask why. We search for the reason and have difficulty to understand. Even after we have found the reason, we still keep asking why. Where do the seeds of bullying originate in? I dare say it all originates in our minds. Our thoughts inspire our conduct and behaviour. Now the question is why at all these thoughts come into existence? Where do they get here from? 

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The reasons can be countless. One who bullies others, for instance, may be feeling neglected in the long term. He or she may not have won recognition, which constitutes the reason why they need to make themselves visible, drawing attention to their personality and implying that „they are in the lead somewhere as well“. Most kids are scared of them, which fact makes them even more powerful, as they come to realize they are now playing an important role. This condition relieves him or her of their hard social deprivation. Some do not comprehend the situation and feel intimidated. Where does the real cause lie? Why do they feel neglected and where have they got the feeling from? Have their family failed? Is he or she an unwanted kid? Do the family and the society function correctly? 

The one who is being bullied asks: why me of all the others? Their question is right. Perhaps they have a low self-esteem, do not know the right mode of communication, or the submissive role may be close to their hearts. What cause has made them think like that? Were they acting this way as early as in the nursery school? Is the care they are given in their family exaggerated? Has any resposible person noticed that? And if they have, what action have they taken to remedy the situation? Or they have said to themselves the kid is going to grow out of it. 

Someone who is grown up now, having read this short text, may recognize themselves. That would mean they have been living with the above feelings ever since they were kids. In the workplace there may be colleagues or superiors who are natural leaders and tend to come up with more radical solutions. The individual concerned cannot cope with stressful situations, goes to work with loathing if at all. In their minds there are blocks causing their failure to cope with conflict situations in the workplace. He or she suffers from stress and aversion to the working environment. If they opt to switch their job, they will experience the same feelings in their new workplace, as they have not really resolved their factual problems in life. 

In our lives, we are destined to face problems we have yet to resolve over and over again just to be warned of the need to start resolving them. Therefore, let us look for the cause, the solution and the way forward for both the bullied kids and the kids who bully. Generally, it holds true there is a need to effect the change from within, for the way we behave outwardly only reflects the way we feel within us.

Bc. Irena Škobisová

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